Beneath The Dutch

a coming of age novel about finding your place in the Universe, philosophical rhetoric and using Marijuana frequently.

Aug 4

Chapter 12: This Rat’s Got Wings

I flew down the stairs and burst open the door of Tony’s stale apartment and I breathed deep the air of the world around me. Sunshine soaking into the stone covered sidewalks, reflecting off the white lines of the shoulder of the road, penetrating every window and alleyway with light, everything felt so real. Almost surreal. Like God turned up the contrast on everything when I wasn’t looking. The air felt cleaner, the grass greener, the streets felt safer and my head felt lighter. It almost brought me to tears.

I got myself together to start to plan. What day would be best to stay sober? I had already wasted the opportunity today by ripping face not a few moments ago. I have to think about what day of the week is best to endure without any substances. All this planning made me think of the times I’d plan out a day for shrooms or acid.

Mondays are obviously no good; a return to the state of work and school and usually rain. It always seems to rain on Monday morning in this city. I can’t start my week sober. I think Tuesday might be worse, because at least with Monday you have the fool’s hope that the week will end soon, but Tuesday reassures you that the end is far and dark. Wednesday is a possibility; you’ve gotten half way through your work week, but at the same time you feel as if you should reward yourself with a little bud and pizza. Thursday is a no go because its payday, I always reup on payday and you have to smoke a little before you buy it. Friday and Saturday…fuck that shit. Sunday, though…the day of the Lord, the day of rest and peace; although it seems sacraligious to smoke weed on this day, it almost seems hypocritical not to just reflecting on all the lazy Sunday’s I’ve had. I think the best day might be to get though Wednesday without any substances in my body.

I looked at my cell phone and discovered that today is Wednesday. I have to get through a week of hazy thoughts and inibriation before I can complete the task ahead of me! What if I forget about it? Can I take my allergy medicine and still be “sober”? What if I simply can’t do it?!…No! I’m a fucking man. I can do anything I put my mind to. I’ve excelled for over 7 years in the education and work world completely stoned, I can go a sparce 24 hours without it. Thankfully, I had a week to ween myself off of the stuff before diving head first into a day without it.

I felt that it might be time to get food into my system. I went down to the Jambalaya place on the corner of Market and Main. It’s late spring and they always bring in their famous “GaterBurgers” around this time of year. I always wonder how a place in the Northeast obtains alligator meat, but I figure it’s better that I never know the means of how they get it. I went inside and saw Kurt at the counter. Kurt’s my buddy who works at Wendy’s, always gets me and Tony free burgers when I come in during the night shift. Solid dude, wondering what he wants at a Jambalaya place…considering he’s vegan.

“Hey man, what’s happening?” I said to Kurt. He turned to me looking more pissed off than I have ever seen anyone and said “Do you know what these fuckers are doing here?” I answered carefully “Uhm, selling food?” “These scumbags are capturing and murdering an endangered species to sell to unknowing consumers. Those Alligator Burgers are an abomination and should be made illegal. It’s people like them that are fucking up entire ecosystems by taking away already endangered predators to be ground up into disgusting meat patties. It’s sickening!” He stormed towards the door and said to the man behind the counter “You haven’t seen the last of me. Stop selling those burgers or I’ll shut down your whole fucking establishment!” and he slammed the door behind him.

“Jesus…” the greasy man behind the counter said “If he’s that upset ‘bout the gaters, I hope he don’t find out ‘bout our chicken wings. Anyways, what can I do ya for, sir?” I hesitated “Uhh, I think I’m gonna go. Maybe somewhere less…hostile.” and i quickly exited the restaurant. As I left I could hear him grumble “Fuckin’ hippies.”

I decided at that point the most peaceful thing I could do is go home and make another peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the safety of my apartment. I started in the direction home on my board, but suddenly was stopped by another spectacle of humanity. Two very athletic young men had apparently experienced a small accident while driving. Instead of simply calling the authorities to sort out this matter and getting eachother’s information by looking at their insurance cards and drivers licenses, they thought it better to get out of their vehicles and fight eachother in the middle of the street. To make it better, they had to take their shirts off to show off their glamour muscles and tribal tattoos. I wanted to simply skate past it, but a crowd had formed on each sidewalk so I had to walk through  to get past the stupidity. It sickened me to watch these people enjoy this gladiator fight of the modern day. They cheered them on and heckled em as if they were at a cock fight. I knew for many, this was the highlight of their week.

No one would move when I tried to politely get through the mob, so I entered the circle that had been formed around the two brutes. I decided to head towards the two damaged cars and the sidestreet they currently blocked. Without thinking, I headed in that direction, but was quickly met by the tussle of two large men who started wrestling with me underneath them. The man on top threw a punch that landed just short of his target, but hit me dead in the jaw. “How the fuck do you miss a punch that close” I thought. But soon after a couple more hit his target and myself and I, for the second time in one day, blacked out on asphault.


Aug 1

fuckyeahschwag asked: The show must go on!

AND GO ON IT SHALL. READY TO BE CONSUMED, CHAPTER 11 (the first in over a year). I WILL BE UPDATING FREQUENTLY MOTHERFUCKER <3


Chapter 11: Brain Stew

(yup! The first chapter in over a year)

  I stirred out a long dark blur and woke up to a familiar sight; my legs propped up on the edge of Tony’s couch. I rubbed my eyes to get a better view of everything. My shin was bandaged and blood was seeping through the wrapping. I started to raise my head and felt a horrible pain in my neck and skull. It was at that point that I remembered that I wrecked myself earlier that day. I must have went into a mini coma. I wonder how Tony managed to get me back to his apartment…

Wondering if I was alone, I called out “Tony!” and heard a mumbled reply from the kitchen. He quickly entered the room and said “You fucked yourself up real good. I’ve never seen someone black out like that. You’re lucky Leo drove to the skatepark or else I would’ve had to call an ambulance or something. You should probably rip the bong before you try to do anything…you might even need stitches.” Not looking to insult my friend and caretaker, I slowly propped myself up and grabbed the bong from the coffee table. I reached into my pocket to grab my baggie, but it wasn’t there. “Hey man, did Leo take my weed or something?” Tony said “He wanted gas money to go across town, but I didn’t have any, so I gave him what was left of your baggie. I’m sorry dude. There should be some in the drawer of the table, help yourself.” I followed his orders and helped myself to a generously dense bowlpack.

As I ripped, I thought of all the trouble I’ve gotten in with Tony. Usually it involves skating, but it mostly involved skating away from gas stations with stolen chips or beers. Thankfully neither of us are stupid enough to carry more bud than we should, but it still makes me wonder why all of these shitty things happen when I’m with Tony. Maybe he’s bad luck. Maybe were both just dumb kids and our combined stupidity somehow gets us out of trouble for petty crimes like shoplifting and trespassing. I thought about it a little more, but then my head stopped hurting so I decided to get into the kitchen and make a PBJ. Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches are without a doubt, the greatest creation of the modern age.

I got out the necessary materials and began to make a couple sandwiches, once again helping myself to generous portions. After constructing two monstrous slabs of nuts and fruit, and pouring myself a tall glass of milk, I went back to the couch to enjoy them while watching an episode of Degrassi. Watching that show always makes me feel better about my own life. Sure, I’m sorta broke and sometimes get carried away with weed and drinking, but the kids on this show are all kinds of fucked. One is an alcoholic aneorexic daughter of a father with cancer and a best friend who is a hooker. Oh, I think she did coke once too. Also, I don’t like eating alone, so watching TV while eating always makes me feel a little less weird.

Tony eventually came out of the kitchen with a bowl full of the cheesiest, gooiest homemade macoroni and cheese I have ever had the pleasure to behold. It must’ve been the spawn of a one night stand between Velveeta and Stouffer’s. Everything about it made me want cheese. Everywhere. I asked him for a bite, and he put a couple noodles on the edge of his fork and offered it to me. This head wound rules. Those few noodles reminded me what it was like to live and be free. Nothing can compare to the warmth of mac n cheese. Not all the sex and weed in the world would make me as complete.

Filled with this newly found vigor for life, I grabbed my board and went down the stairs. I was on a mission, a life’s work to do something I had never done before. I was going to spend an entire day completely sober.


Nov 30

follow my music?

this may not ever be read, but I write music and play shows in tons of different places. you guys liked it when I was trying to write a book, maybe you’ll like my music too. FFO The Gaslight Anthem, i guess.

http://stevelayman.tumblr.com/


Nov 11

blackmagicrituals asked: what are you up to? when will you post more chapters? are you doing alright?

I’ve been mad busy and I lost the account info to this for the longest time. I have a lot of interesting real life stories to throw into this stories. and i’m doing just fine, thanks for asking!


Nov 5

weednbacon asked: stop by and leave a story :]

definitely.


ALGERNON CADWALLADER @ SUNY ONEONTA!!!

weightandmalice:

This Sunday, November 7th
@ SUNY Oneonta
The Waterfront Cafe in Hunt Union

ALGERNON CADWALLADER
CHALK TALK
CATTLE DRUMS
PALMKITE

6PM - 3$ SUCO Students/5$ Everyone Else

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=168810973135823

REBLOG

(via weightandmalice-deactivated2012)


Sep 24

myexitunobserved-deactivated201 asked: What's your favorite method of getting THC into your body?

bongrips for sure. pretty much everything about hitting bongs makes getting high better even if it’s not very good weed.

if i wanna get real twizzy i go with a brownie or something, but that’s only i’ve got the whole day to kill.

vaporizers are just weird to me, i’m not sure why.


Sep 23

http://dutchmastour.tumblr.com/ask

ask me questions about the book.

ask me why i stopped writing it for 2 months.

ask me what to expect in future chapters.

ask me anything

http://dutchmastour.tumblr.com/ask


Sep 22

YO WUZGEWD?

Long story short, I lost the account info to this blog and couldn’t get on.

I’ve got a lot of shit to write out so expect some stuff in the coming weeks!


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